Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
