just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How naked do you want me to be?
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