I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
