The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
as a side note pls kill me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
