I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
