I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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