Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
