He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
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Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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