just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize