I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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