She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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