I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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