Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
