Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
