A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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