Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You need Xanax blowdarts
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
