There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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