i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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