She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
