Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
