just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
