So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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