BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
