hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
