it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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