I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
