Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
