Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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