ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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