Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
