i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
