tell your sister to shave her snatch
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
