Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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