You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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