I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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