The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
