And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
home. puking in laundry basket.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
