why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize