Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
