I bet he comes in French.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
