We're facebook friends in real life
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
