I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize