Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
