If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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