Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize