Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Drake has all the answers
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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