don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
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The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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