With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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