oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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