Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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