did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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