You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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