I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
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