Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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