Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
