i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
