I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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