Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
