how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am spending my child support on dildos
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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