I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
