The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
