So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
