On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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