we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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