Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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