You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
