Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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